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[Retsu was tired.

No. That wasn't true. Retsu was utterly, bone-wearily exhausted.

It has been a week since Aizen fell. One of the worst weeks Retsu ever remembered in her long, long life. Yamamoto-soutaichou had fallen, along with three other captains, and several others were still in critical condition. She was one of the only people still capable of leading, yet she was also desperately needed in the healing ward.

She wasn't sure anymore how many days it had been since she slept. Shinigami were capable of going much longer without sleep than ordinary souls or mortals, but she was still reaching her limit. She glanced around and leaned against a doorpost for a moment, closing her eyes before she went into Jyuushiko's room.

It had taken all Retsu's considerable skill to save Jyuushiko. The blond arrancar had put a hole right through her chest, and there had been complications...Retsu still wasn't sure how fully her friend would recover. And Kyouraku Shunsui was still in critical condition in the room across the hall.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, passing through the kido barrier and going to Jyuushiko's bedside to see how she was doing.]

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[For a moment, she almost lets herself relax into the hug her captain offers, but then she just stiffens and closes herself off as if slamming a door. She doesn't pull away, but she doesn't really accept the hug, either.]

[Jyuushiko doesn't release her, even after she stiffens, just rubs the back of her shoulder lightly. After a moment of silence, she speaks quietly, voice muffled somewhat by the oxygen mask.]

It's alright to let yourself grieve, Rukia.

[To grieve was to admit he was gone, to admit that she was all alone again, that she had lost the one person who was really her family, who she was just beginning to understand. To grieve was to dishonor him, because Byakuya would have wanted her to be stoic in public, and do her grieving in private, as he had.

She was silent, nearly motionless, though she was tense as a wire.]

[After a moment, she releases Rukia, pulls back to see can see her lieutenant's face, totally closed and cold. Her forehead creases in a worried frown.]

Don't close yourself off, Rukia...

[She bowed her head slightly in response, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. She couldn't bear to be in the room much longer. She didn't deserve her captain's comfort.] I should be returning to the squad, taichou.

Do you have any requests for when I next visit?

[She sighs, her shoulders slumping. She had tried, but it wasn't enough.]

Give me an update on how the squad is holding together - that's all.

[A frown, as she realizes something is missing.]

Where's your badge?

I will bring a full report tomorrow.

[She drops her eyes and looks evasive.] I lost it in Hueco Mundo. I have not yet had time to replace it.

[Which was true, but...it was hard to bring herself to put in a request at all, the way she felt.]

You should do so - I know it's not a big thing, but - I need you to lead Thirteenth while I can't.

[She squares her shoulders, pushing the pain of her brother's death even more tightly inside and locking it away. Her captain is right. She still has duty--and surely her brother would say that it was most important to keep fulfilling her duty?] Yes, taichou.

[A nod] And if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here.

Yes, Ma'am.

[She leaves, her posture almost as stiff as Byakuya's.]

---------------

[Retsu comes back in and busies herself checking on Jyuushiko--but also being there if her friend needs to talk.]

[With Rukia gone, Jyuushiko lets go of some of her control, and her upset at the meeting is more obvious. It hurts to see Rukia so broken again, and to not be able to do anything.]

[She puts her hand gently on Jyuushiko's shoulder.] I am sorry, Jyuushiko-san.

[She sighs softly and shakes her head a little] No, it's...alright. She's been through a lot - it would be foolish to think it'd be easy for her to deal with.

She was there, when he died. She had already defeated an arrancar and fought another, but they were attacked by the most powerful Espanda--and she was already injured.

[She nods, and then sighs] I think...time will do a lot of the healing, there...

That's always the way of it, I'm afraid.

Unfortunately. It's hard, not to be able to do anything.

I know. [Being helpless has always been particularly hard for her best friend.]

I guess...I'm going to have to get used to a lot of that right now, ne?

[Sitting and waiting for time to do it's work - something she hates doing, but she knows she probably couldn't even stand up, right now.]

For the moment, yes, I'm afraid so.

Is there anything I can get you? A book or something to work on?

Ah...if there's any paperwork or anything I can do to help... [nevermind that she's still a touch feverish and a little strung-out on painkillers - if there's something she can do to be useful, she'll try her best!]

For now, it would probably be best if you rest and recover, rather than push yourself now and have to spend longer in Fourth.

[She sighs, but nods slightly] I understand. [Even if she doesn't /like/ it.]

[She squeezes Jyuushiko's shoulder slightly.] I'll bring something to read by when I come back.

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