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[nicotinized]

It's rare that there's any sort of real privacy in Liminal Space, so when it decides to temporarily become a maze of run-down hotel corridors with rooms to match, Toshi actually feels almost cheerful for once. The rooms look clean, too, if old and careworn. There's a bland painting of a vase of flowers over the bed, although Toshi had to draw the curtains on the one window, because the almost cartoonish landscape outside with a purple sun and sky blue trees was making him feel motion sick. His jacket is already draped over the one chair in the room, and once the 'outside' is dealt with, he undoes the tie and shirt, too, leaving them on one edge of the bed. The lines of accumulated scars, new and old, are a pale web against his tanner skin. He's lucky - he doesn't scar badly, and he caught the worst of that explosion all those years ago with the arm shielding his face rather than his face itself.

Still, his line of work, past and present - it leaves marks. The newest is the clean line across his right bicep, still pinkish-red despite the magical healing, though he knows it will fade. The oldest is an almost-invisible patch of paler skin on one elbow, care of a sidewalk and childhood. Others, perhaps, were more obvious. His left shoulder was the worst of it, and probably always would be - a patchwork of surgical scars, skin grafts, and shrapnel pockmarks. The latter speckled his chest and face, too, though not nearly as badly. Then there were the ones he didn't like dwelling on - the thin, clean lines of the precise incisions he'd woken up with on Mobeius.

Comments

[nicotinized]

Every new partner was something of a learning experience - even if it was only for a single night, usually. Souji wasn't as experienced as most of them, but there was something to be said for the power of anticipation. That, and the knowledge that this was likely not just a single occurrence. He pulled away for a moment, but only so he could move to press another kiss where Souji's shoulder met his neck.

[inexecution]

Souji tilted his head a little and tightened his grip on Hijikata's shoulder. It was still strange, letting someone this close to him. For most of his life, touch had been something clinical, devoid of feeling or meaning beyond its most utilitarian purposes. This was completely the opposite, intimacy without any other purpose.

[nicotinized]

That reaction was good. Probably. With Souji it was always hard to say for sure, but he wasn't pushing away, and that was positive. Carefully, he used just a little bit of teeth on the same spot, to see what sort of reaction it'd get.

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For a split second, all his brain perceived was threat, though better logic overrode that almost immediately. It wasn't fast enough to keep him from tensing up, though, or from subsequently causing his face to flush with embarrassment over it.

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He stopped the nibbles as soon as he felt Souji tense up. In someone else, that reaction would probably be pleasure, but with Souji - he couldn't be sure, and he didn't want to push things too far. It was easy enough to just press a kiss there again instead.

[inexecution]

He took a breath and made himself relax again. He wanted to apologize, but didn't want to make Hijikata think he didn't want this, either. He wanted to move forward instead of dwelling on what he couldn't fix about himself.

He let the hand that had been on Hijikata's shoulder slide downward, fingertips mapping the contours of skin and muscle and bone until he comes to the scar on his upper arm. That, he traces with the pad of his thumb, as though he could erase that mistake.

[nicotinized]

The light touch felt good, and he hummed appreciatively against Souji's neck. The fresh scar felt... odd. There was pressure, but no real sensation when Souji moved his fingers right over the fresh tissue. Still, it didn't feel bad - and it was good that Souji was taking some initiative, so he wasn't going to stop him.

[inexecution]

Souji took that hum as a sign to continue what he was doing, letting his fingers map and learn, easing him into new territory.

Much more tentatively, his other hand moved to trace the more complex scars on Hijikata's other shoulder, more of a mystery to him, from a time before he'd known Hijikata. But he was careful, knowing it was a touchy subject, not wanting to ruin things by daring too much.

[nicotinized]

Toshi was starting to relax and feel slightly less self-concious about all what was happening. He wasn't sure if he was going to leave a mark on Souji's neck, even with the attention he was paying to the same spot, but it didn't really matter. Maybe it would be less awkward afterwards if he didn't, really.

When Souji's hand came up to touch the web of old scars on his other shoulder, he tensed involuntarily, and then forced himself to relax again. With the damage there, it was a mess of spots of hypersensitivity and numbness, and most of his partners were strangers, who didn't risk something that might be emotionally volatile. He wasn't used to it, but it didn't hurt - it was just unfamiliar.

[inexecution]

The way Hijikata tensed up was reassuring, in a way. Not because it was the reaction he'd been aiming for, but because it made him feel a little better about his earlier lapse.

When Hijikata relaxed again, and didn't give any indication that he should stop, Souji took it as permission to continue. They were so different from his own scars, and he could trace the trajectory of them back, from heavy scaring to lighter marks scattering back along his chest.

[nicotinized]

Now that he was expecting it, Souji's touch across his shoulder didn't feel quite so strange. Almost soothing, really - and it was sort of nice that Souji wasn't afraid to touch the scars, wasn't walking on eggshells over it. He pulled away from Souji's neck, and shifted the hand on his shoulder so he could reach and run his fingers down the line of Souji's back. He brushed a few loose strands of hair away from Souji's face with his other hand, careful to not let the colder metal touch warm skin.

[inexecution]

The fingers trailing down his back caused him to shiver, but not in a bad way, sending a tingling sensation running the length of his spine. He hadn't thought he'd be quite so sensitive to that sort of thing, but then, he'd never really been in this position before.

The hand he had been trailing along Hijikata's shoulder came to gently capture his left hand, so he could press his cheek against the cool metal of his palm. Hijikata was always so careful about touching him with that hand, as though it might bother him, but to Souji it was just another piece of who he was, nothing to be self-conscious about.

[nicotinized]

Toshi paused, surprise at what Souji had done written clearly on his face. It wasn't the first time someone touched his cyber during a moment of intimacy, but it was rare - the type he usually ended up with viewed visible cyber like his as something to be politely ignored. And for one night? He was perfectly fine with that.

He realized he'd stopped, and gave Souji a quick, tiny smile before resuming mapping Souji's back with his fingertips. He didn't pull his other hand away, either, but he didn't move it, either - he knew that it was easy to push too hard, even now that he was well-used to the decreased sensitivity.

[inexecution]

The obvious surprise on Hijikata's face almost made him feel sad, in a way. Had no one else ever bothered to treat him as though this were normal, which, so far as Souji was concerned, it was. More obvious, perhaps, than all his own cyberware, but nothing more than that.

But then he found himself not wanting to think about other people having been here in his place, and thankful that the touch along his own back was a distraction from that thought.

He turned his hand so he could lace his fingers with Hijikata's before smiling and leaning in for a kiss.

[nicotinized]

Toshi gave his clasped hand a little, careful squeeze. The way Souji wasn't simply ignoring that part of him made him feel... vulnerable, perhaps. Awkward. Not quite uncomfortable, but it was something that was going to take some getting used to.

A kiss, on the other hand, was something he knew what to do with. He leaned in to meet Souji, making this one firmer and deeper than the last

[inexecution]

It didn't really even occur to Souji to ignore it, though that might have been the 'polite' thing to do. They'd known each other for far too long for that, and Hijikata was accepting of so many of his own flaws, that to do anything other than accept him as he was would have seemed wrong.

He made a pleased little noise at the kiss, letting himself get wrapped up in how good it made him feel, despite his own concerns about not quite managing to measure up.

[nicotinized]

To coax that reaction of genuine pleasure out of Souji - something that seemed so rare and new - it sent a thrill of warmth down Toshi's spine. There was always a certain joy to bringing pleasure to one's partner, and he knew he was the first for Souji. Which was frightening, as well - it seemed like a massive responsibility. But he pushed that thought aside and concentrated on the moment instead. He slid his hands lower, over the waistband of Souji's pants.

[inexecution]

He was a little surprised when Hijikata's hands slid lower, though not actually worried about it. Instead, he shifted one hand back to the older man's shoulder and leaned in so he could kiss the column of his throat, mirroring his earlier attentions.

[nicotinized]

Rather than work his way under Souji's pants right now - they had time, he wasn't going to rush - he ran his hands over the top of the fabric, all the way down to the surface of the bed, and then squeezed. Rather than lean in for another kiss at the same time, he watched Souji's expression instead, to see how he reacted.

[inexecution]

Souji was a little startled--he clearly hadn't been expecting that particular move, and then blushed hard when he realized Hijikata was watching him, as well. He wasn't really sure how he was supposed to respond to that, though his heart rate had kicked up a notch, and he was definitely feeling a little flustered by it.

[nicotinized]

Ah - not an ass person, clearly. Toshi's smile quirked, looking just a little amused at Souji's reaction, but he leaned in for another kiss instead of saying anything - it's fine, don't worry was in his actions, rather than spoken aloud. He also shifted his hands back up, to rest on the small of Souji's back.

[inexecution]

He finds himself frustrated with himself and the lack of control he has over his own reactions, and a little of that comes through in the kiss.

He appreciates that Hijikata is patient with him and understanding of the situation, but for all they pretend they have all the time in the world, he knows that isn't the case. Life is too uncertain. It would be, even if they were home, but it's doubly true now. The problem is, he just doesn't know what to do about it.

So all he can do is kiss him back and hope he can convey that he does want this, regardless.

[nicotinized]

The kiss is good - he's trying not to think of how long he's wanted this, doesn't want to get swept up with questioning how he feels - but Toshi realizes that maybe he's moving too fast for Souji. There's plenty to do and appreciate already. One hand comes away from Souji's back, and gently catches one of the other man's wrists. He brings it up, and presses a careful kiss to the pale skin, marred only by a fine, faded scar.

[inexecution]

Of everything so far, it's this, oddly, that makes him feel the most vulnerable. He's not sure why--some combination of the gentleness of that gesture and the fact that he can't forget just how inhuman he is under his own skin, and wonder if that bothers Hijikata. It wouldn't be hypocritical, there was, he though, a very real difference between Hijikata's cyber and his own, the difference between replacing and changing. Hijikata has been considerate of him this whole time, but he suddenly finds himself wanting to ask if he's sure this is really what he wants.

[nicotinized]

Toshi doesn't notice Souji's uncertainty, given he couldn't see the other man's face. Instead he continued working his way up Souji's forearm, kiss by kiss, until he reaches the crook of his elbow. Toshi knows how strong Souji is, has seen him fight, and right now he can feel that strength underneath the pale softness of his skin.